Counseling
by Chellero
Summary: Reese and Carter attend a premarital counseling session.


**A/N: This is so random, but I had seen something online a few days ago about premarital counseling and got hit with Careese feels. *shrug***

* * *

Dr. Scully received the message that his next premarital counseling appointment had arrived and rose to greet the couple at the door. Smiling, he held his hand out to the woman who entered first. "Jocelyn, hi, nice to meet you."

"Joss, please." Carter took the therapist's hand, finding it cool and firm.

"Joss," Dr. Scully corrected before turning to greet her tall, stoic mate. "John."

Shaking the Ph.D's hand, John smiled tightly. "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise, likewise." Scully turned away from them, indicating the two seats across from his desk. "Have a seat. Please."

John followed Joss to the oversized chairs and seated himself beside her, posture relaxed, legs spread. He wasn't comfortable with this whole idea, but he wouldn't let it show on his face nor his body language. Premarital counseling. Counseling period. He had no use for it. Not only had he bounced back from a very dark place without it, he was marrying Joss. The main reason he'd been able to do so. They didn't need any of this. He had her, she had him. Considering the fact that they'd made it to this point, what could counseling do for them? But Joss wanted to do it, having one failed marriage under her belt, and he could refuse her nothing. And he had to admit, like she'd told him earlier, they weren't like normal couples. They either absolutely didn't need it or needed it more than any other couple ever would.

Scully sat across from them behind his desk and leaned back casually in his chair. It was his way of putting his clients, particularly new clients, at ease before they delved into very personal matters. "So, Joss, John. You're planning to get married?" He watched as both of them nodded, Joss a little more enthusiastically than John. "Have you set a date yet?"

"No, but….soon. Before the year is out," Joss responded.

Scully nodded. "Okay. Well. I'm glad the two of you are here. A lot of couples don't take this step before getting married but, you know, it's just talking. Communicating. That's all it is. It's not supposed to be scary, it's supposed to set you up on a good foundation. Even if you already do communicate well and often, there may be some areas that we'll hit on that, perhaps, you've only scratched the surface of. All we want to accomplish is to make sure that you desire the same things with regard to your marriage, your lives, so that, when issues arise, you'll be able to work through them without them escalating." He took a breath. "So, basically, we'll talk through what each of you desire and expect individually and together so that you'll learn more about one another and make sure marriage is what you both want." Scully sat forward. "Sound good?"

John nodded once.

Joss nodded. "Sounds good." She was a little nervous, hoping they wouldn't have to delve too deeply into matters she and John couldn't freely discuss. Even though there was therapist-client privilege, they'd decided they didn't want to bank on it. It was risky, but she really wanted to do this.

She and John loved one another deeply. Respected one another fully. Their relationship, their connection, no one could ever understand but them. The things they'd gone through, would go through, no one else would ever experience or appreciate. But beyond that, did they have what it takes? There was still so much she didn't know about him. So much they never talked about. Their relationship was extraordinary, but what about the ordinary things? If John one day retired, or got a regular gig, what then? What if they lost that extraordinary angle and became like any other married couple, having to trudge through all those mundane day-to-day activities? Would they be equipped to handle something so….simple? She snapped out of her musings when the therapist cleared his throat.

"Okay, so let's get started." Scully mindlessly straightened the old school spiral notebook on his desk, setting his expensive pen beside it. "Have either of you ever been married before?"

"I have." Joss looked over to John, trying not to answer for him.

Feeling her eyes on him, John spoke up. "No."

With this new knowledge, Scully nodded, deciding to forgo his initial line of questioning and follow where the couple's answers led. "How did that end, Joss?"

"Divorce. Nine, ten years ago."

"Any children from that union?"

Joss nodded. "A son. Taylor."

Scully picked up his pen and made a notation in his notebook. He smiled as he looked back up at her. "How old is he?"

"Sixteen."

"Do you and your ex-husband co-parent?"

"Yes. Well, we do now."

"Amicably?"

Joss nodded. "Yes."

Scully turned to Reese. "Any children, John?"

Reese shook his head. "Just Joss's son."

Scully rested his elbow on the desk and put his chin in his hand. "How is that going? Do you get along well with Taylor?"

Reese nodded slowly. "He's a good kid. Joss did well with him."

"Do you discipline him?"

"Never had to."

Scully nodded, turning to Joss. "What about that? Have you discussed discipline, should the need arise?"

Carter glanced at John briefly. "No." She turned back to Scully. "That's something we probably need to talk about, even though Taylor's never given me any trouble."

"So, would you be okay with John disciplining Taylor?" Scully looked from Joss to John. "Would you be willing to discipline him?"

Reese thought about that for a moment. True, Taylor was a good kid, always respectful toward his mother. But he was still a teenager. Something was bound to come up considering he spent most of his time with Joss rather than Paul. Taylor had no problem with him, probably because of how they'd met. He also seemed okay with John's romantic involvement with his mother. But would Taylor be okay with him disciplining him? Would he listen to John or did his goodwill toward him only extend so far? Could _he_ handle it? Would Joss even want him to? Reese turned to his fiancée. "That's up to Joss."

Carter met Reese's eyes. "I know Taylor respects you, and you respect him. If he's acting a fool and I'm not around, I think he'll listen to you if you tell him to stop." She didn't think she needed to mention how downright threatening John could look when he wanted to.

Reese nodded slowly and the couple turned to Scully as he reengaged them.

To Joss, the therapist questioned, "So, you're okay with John disciplining Taylor?"

Carter nodded.

Scully turned to John. "And you're willing to discipline him if the need arises?"

John nodded his head toward Joss. "If it's what she wants."

"Joss, how do you discipline him?"

Carter shrugged. "Well, he's too old to spank. Depending on what it is, I'll take away his privileges. TV, phone, computer….no hanging out with friends….."

Scully addressed both of them. "It's important to agree on how the discipline takes place. If mom," he indicated Carter, "doesn't agree with corporal punishment and step dad," he pointed towards John, "brings out the belt, that's a problem." He watched as the couple nodded. "So, are you both in agreement? Step dad can discipline and the going punishment is the removal of privileges unless you both discuss it?"

Joss nodded, looking over to John as he nodded as well. "Agreed." This was good, she thought, feeling like they'd accomplished something important. Something normal they hadn't bothered to discuss.

Scully looked between both of them. "Any conflicts between the two of you and Taylor's father?" He watched as they both shook their heads, looking for any trace of doubt. Not seeing any, he pressed on. "Good, good. You're getting married, so John is going to be a part of the equation when it comes to Taylor. But it's important, Joss, that you and Taylor's father set some ground rules when it comes to John and your ex's current or future partners." At her nod, Scully sat back in his seat again. "So, John," he smiled. "Out of all the people in the world you could be marrying, why did you choose Joss?"

It hit Reese quickly how uncomfortable he was. Being put on the spot, having to share something so personal with a stranger…..He swallowed. That was the whole point of this, wasn't it? For them to get everything out in the open? He knew his voice was barely above a whisper, but he couldn't help it. This was difficult for him, and the only reason he was able to form the words was because Joss was right beside him. "She's….everything I try to be. She's..." John turned to her, gathering up his courage as she watched him with nothing but love and encouragement, tears already brimming in her eyes. "... honest, caring…I trust her more than I've ever trusted anyone since I left home. And she's tougher than I am." He watched as Joss wiped at a tear and laughed, smiling into her sparkling eyes as she directed them to his once more. "But still…..so soft." He shook his head and shrugged, turning back to Scully. "I'm pretty sure I'd be nothing without her."

Nodding and making more notes on his pad, Scully turned to Joss, softly asking her the same question.

Sniffling, Carter tried to lighten the mood. "I didn't. He chose me." Chuckling softly and sniffling once more, she got serious as she met John's eyes. "Really, though, he did. But I'm glad. I was….." She shook her head. "I was very independent. Stubborn. Still am really…" She matched the smile John gave her. "But he showed me I could be the way that I was and still lean on him. It didn't make me any less strong." She took in a ragged breath. "He showed me I could trust someone other than myself. The things he's been through," she shook her head at him in awe. "He's the strongest person I know, without a doubt. He's so selfless….I'm just so lucky he chose me because when he loves you, you feel like a queen everyday." She watched her man, her love, blink rapidly, his jaw working, Adam's apple bobbing as he absorbed her words. It was amazing how they could be together, ready to commit the rest of their lives to one another, and never have told each other these things. Never have told one another just what exactly was behind their _I love you's_.

Scully quietly drew them back to the present, sitting forward in his seat once again. "Joss, can you describe what commitment means to you? What it'll mean once you're married and going forward?"

Carter stretched her eyes wide, sniffling yet again as she tried to reign in her emotions. "Uh…. being together. Communicating whenever there's an issue. Both of us compromising. Never giving up on each other."

Scully looked to Reese. "John?"

Refusing to wipe at his eyes, instead trying to blink away the moisture that had pooled there at Joss's words, John replied, "Same. She's stuck with me. No matter what."

"You said you both have busy schedules. Will you plan on setting some time aside to be together?"

Joss answered. "We do that now. I mean, it's not exactly a habit yet, but if we're both off and not too tired, we try to go out, or just relax at home together. John likes to cook so we'll stay in, try new recipes."

"Good. You're off to a good start. Keep it up. Plan for it, even if it's just twenty minutes together one week, ten the next. It's important that you keep that connection as time goes by, situations change, and you as individuals change." Scully crossed his arms on his desk. "Okay, switching gears a bit, let's talk a little about finances. As I'm sure you're aware, money troubles are a leading cause of divorce in this country, so it's important that you know ahead of time your partner's philosophy about money, decide who works who stays home, who pays the bills, credit history, budgets, who has access to what, etcetera etcetera. So," Scully looked between them. "You both work outside of the home now. Is this something you expect to continue?"

Joss and John looked at one another and nodded. "Yes," Joss answered.

Scully continued his line of questioning. "Will you have joint accounts, separate accounts, or both?" He watched as the couple looked at one another once more, the answer not coming as quickly this time.

Carter looked back at Scully. "We haven't really talked about that yet."

Scully nodded. "Okay, that's fine, you have time to figure it out. There are advantages and disadvantages to both. Sometimes, a couple will have a joint account for household bills and other expenses, and keep separate accounts for everything else, and it works for them. Just think about it before our next visit. Are you living together?"

"No. I have Taylor. John'll stay at my place a lot, but he still has his own place." Joss supplied.

"Okay, so, you're still paying your own separate bills?" Receiving nods from both of them, Scully continued. "That's fine. Once you talk about joint or separate bank accounts, you also need to decide who will be responsible for what expenses—if you decide to keep separate accounts. Also, you need to think about how much you want to save, invest, and—this is the important one—how much you're each allowed to spend on those "fun" purchases we all make. You know that's where the trouble usually comes in."

Joss nodded, taking it all in. Knowing how much Finch paid John, and knowing John, he'd insist on paying all their bills so she could spend the money she made on anything she wanted. He spoiled her now as it was. She wasn't comfortable with it, at least not yet, but now they had an excuse to talk about it, and they would. She brought her attention back to Scully as he continued to question them.

"How will you handle strong disagreements about spending?"

Since Scully didn't know that John, by way of Finch, had more money than God, Joss gave him an answer that would sound good. "Well, we both make a pretty good living. But if something were to come up," she looked at John, catching his eye. "I'd think we'd be able to sit down and decide whether the purchase was too frivolous or not, let the other know why one of us is uncomfortable with the amount…." She trailed off, matching John's agreeing nod with her own.

"Right. Communication. It's always about communication." Scully sat back. "Now, are either of you going to be entering into this marriage with any debt?"

"I've got a mortgage on my townhouse. Almost finished with my student loans. Car's paid off, no credit card debt." She turned to John, wondering how he was going to answer. Dead men didn't have debt.

Reese made a mental note to pay off Joss's student loans before he lied easily. "Car note. I carry a small balance on a couple credit cards. I'm renting, so no mortgage."

Scully nodded. "Good. So, you said you're not living together. Where will you live after you get married?"

Shit, something else they hadn't really talked about. Joss looked at John as he answered.

"My place doesn't have the space for the three of us, so I'll be getting rid of it." Reese turned to Carter. "I can move into her place or we can get something together."

Joss nodded and they both turned back to Scully.

"How do you plan to divvy up household responsibilities? Cooking, cleaning, yard work? Will you be paying someone else to do it?"

Joss turned to John who looked at her expectantly. "Uh, something else we'll have to get back to you on. John does a lot of the cooking….."

"Joss usually does the dishes…." Reese added.

"But, we'll have to figure out the rest." Carter returned her gaze to Scully. "'Cause I don't see him doing the yard work."

She was teasing but Reese shrugged. She wasn't wrong. "If we end up with a yard, we'll probably hire someone."

Scully chuckled. "Okay. Another homework assignment for you then." He leaned back in his chair, purposefully relaxing his posture to broach the next subject in order to relax his two clients. "So, the next topic might make you a little uncomfortable, but it's an important one. Are you having sex?" When they both nodded in the affirmative, he asked his follow up question. "Do you feel like you're having enough sex?"

"Yeah."

"No." Joss looked at John incredulously before he added, "But we both work long hours, so..."

Scully nodded. "So, John, you would like to be having more sex?"

Reese shrugged his shoulder before looking at Joss with a fake innocent expression.

Carter rolled her eyes and turned to address the therapist. "We do it plenty. He's just trying to be funny." She felt John's eyes still on her so she turned back to him. "We have sex all the time! When do I ever turn you down?"

"Hardly ever."

"Hardly ever? What? Once?"

Reese shrugged again and smiled mischievously.

Carter rolled her eyes and turned back to Scully. "See? He's just being a jackass." She took the decorative pillow from the side of her chair and hit John in the shoulder with it.

Reese chuckled before turning to face Scully, earnestness making its way back to his features. "I want her all the time so it's never enough. We wasted a lot of time just being friends. But it's as often as we can."

Scully snorted, glad to see John loosening up a little. "Okay, so, sex as frequently as time allows and you're both ok with that?"

"Yes." Carter eyed Reese, daring him to disagree. When he nodded his agreement, she shook her head at him and smiled.

"Are you both satisfied?" Scully turned to Carter. "Are there things that you're willing to try, things that are off limits, Joss?"

"Well, I am. And I mean," she glanced at her fiancé, "we've done just about everything I think. Besides…." _God this is awkward._ "…..anal. That's a no for me." She looked at John again, a little nervous about his reaction. He'd never tried to go through the back door, so her position on it never came up. But did he want to? Did he feel like he was missing out?

"What about you, John? Are you satisfied sexually?"

"Yes. I always want her," he reiterated.

"Anything off limits?"

"No."

"What about what Joss just said? Are you okay with her boundaries? Is this something the two of you need to compromise on?"

John answered without hesitation. "Whatever Joss wants, I'll do. Whatever she doesn't, I won't."

Carter was a little embarrassed about it, but she breathed a sigh of relief. She had always tried to loosen up in the bedroom, but that was one area on her body she had no interest in loosening.

Scully made a note in his notepad, straightened up in his seat, and segued into the next topic. "Alright. Children. What are your thoughts?"

Joss tsked and answered immediately. "I am forty-two years old. That ship has sailed."

Scully looked at John, noticing the man's abrupt change, the uncomfortable shift in his chair as John diverted his eyes to the carpet. "John? Do you want to have children with Joss?"

Joss turned to John, immediately regretting her knee-jerk response. She was in her forties. Taylor would be off to college in two years. She honestly didn't think he would be expecting to have children with her. And what about their jobs? _His_ job? She'd just assumed….. but judging by his reaction….. "John. Do you want to have kids?" She asked, even though the answer was written all over his face.

Scully scrutinized Reese as he quickly schooled his reaction, relaxing back into his seat, once again displaying the look of casualness that had slipped from his demeanor temporarily.

John faced Joss, wishing she hadn't seen it. Wishing he'd caught his reaction in time. Her answer had thrown him. He knew they were both in their forties, he knew it might be difficult or impossible for them to conceive, but the knowledge that she had no intention of trying….He tried to cover up his disappointment, feeling stupid that he hadn't known, that he had assumed. That his life had gotten to be so close to perfect with her in it that he'd started to think he could have it all. He would've lied if he had the ability to lie to her and she hadn't already seen it. "I wouldn't mind... having a little girl who looks just like you."

Carter gulped, feeling herself being pulled in two different directions. On one hand, she wanted to make John happy and never wanted to be the one to disappoint or hurt him. But on the other, she hadn't in a million years planned on having another child, especially this late in life. It would be a huge endeavor, one that would change everything significantly, and she wasn't sure she was willing to do it. Of course, John entering her life had changed everything significantly anyway. Twice. But still. Pregnancy? The hormones? The sleepless nights? Playing with her, chasing her around the house? Helping with homework? Nursing her when she was sick? Being damn near a senior citizen by the time she left the house? Maybe if she was ten years younger, or even five.

"Joss, is this something you would consider?"

Joss slowly turned from John back to Scully to answer his question. "Uh….I'd have to think about it."

Scully looked at Reese. "John, are you willing to accept the possibility that Joss will decide she doesn't want to have anymore children?"

Reese nodded, forcefully shutting down his wayward fatherhood thoughts. "Yes." It was a pipe dream, anyway, and he was used to disappointment. He would be fine as long as he still had Joss.

"Obviously, this is something the two of you need to discuss further, decide if this is an insurmountable issue or—"

"It's not." John leveled his stare at Scully, clearly finished with this line of questioning.

Joss looked back at John, recognizing the finality in his tone and demeanor and hoped Dr. Scully was going to move on. She would talk with John later, privately. She would try to explain where she was coming from. Because she knew he was just going to accept what she'd said here, keep whatever he was feeling inside, and never bring it up again.

Scully entertained John's formidableness for a few seconds more, unbothered and undeterred, but knowing when it was time to move on. There would be another session after this one, as he liked to give couples time to discuss matters from their first session in order to revisit them during the second. Hopefully, the two of them will have come to an agreement by then. The issue of children was a serious one, and he'd never encourage a couple to move forward with marriage if they were at odds on the matter. "Are your parents still living?"

Joss mentally shook herself, trying to leave the previous subject matter behind. "My mom is. John's parents are both deceased."

Scully nodded. "Any other family, John? Siblings, aunts, uncles? Cousins?" Scully watched as John shook his head, his posture still somewhat rigid while the muscles of his face were relaxed.

"No other family. Just me."

"Okay, that probably makes things a little less complicated. A question I like to ask engaged couples is how much time they plan to spend with their respective families, where they plan to spend holidays, etcetera, but that may not be an issue here. Is that a fair assessment?" He looked between them.

Joss and John faced one another and nodded. Joss elaborated. "My mom's local, and I've got a sister, aunts and uncles and cousins. So, we'll probably spend holidays with them or home alone."

"Are you and your family close?" Scully directed the question to Joss.

She nodded. "My mom and I talk all the time."

"John, is it okay if Joss talks with her mother about any problems you may have in your relationship, or would you rather she keep it between the two of you?"

John didn't know honestly. Carter had to keep so many things about him secret that he wanted her to have an outlet. But then he also knew the trope of the meddling mother-in-law. So, while he was going to have a set of in-laws he had to contend with and she didn't, he was who he was. A dead CIA operative in hiding, and his having to deal with her extended family was a drop in the bucket compared to the ocean she had to contend with. "Joss can talk about me to her mother, her friends." He turned to her, waiting only a second for her to meet his eyes. "As long as we still talk. About whatever it is."

"Sound good, Joss?" Scully asked.

Joss smiled at John, nodding. "Yeah."

"Great. Now. The two of you have had a big argument. How do you plan to reach out to one another to reconcile?"

Carter and Reese looked at each other while trying to formulate their answers. They'd never really had a fight per se. Just mildly differing opinions on occasion.

Thinking about it, considering how well he handled physical confrontations, Carter noted that John wasn't one for arguments. If he got irritated with her—and she could always tell—he just shut down and let it slide. She turned to Scully. "It hasn't really happened yet, but I don't like to let things fester. I guess after I've had time to cool down," she looked at John again, "I'll try to talk to him about it. Try not to be so stubborn. But he's going to have to be willing to talk to me." She faced Scully once more. "He's quiet. He doesn't like to argue."

Scully and Carter both turned to look at John.

"I'll always be wrong, so…." John smirked.

Joss pointed her thumb at him and addressed Scully. "See what I mean? He'll just let things go and that's probably why we never argue."

Scully wrote something down again and then looked up. "People have different arguing styles. Some like to avoid confrontation, some can't live without it. Some like to give the silent treatment after a fight, some like to talk it out as soon as possible. That's why I ask this question, so you can recognize what style you have and decide up front how you'll handle disagreements during your marriage so that they don't escalate." He turned to Reese. "John, obviously, you're going to have to try to speak up more, let Joss know your thoughts so that resentment doesn't take root and begin to build. There appears to be plenty of love and respect between the two of you, but I'm not sure you're communicating enough. Joss has the right idea. Cool down, give it a few hours, maybe even a day, then sit down and talk it out. Listen. Don't be accusatory. It takes two to argue. Accept your role in whatever happened, see things from the other side." He looked between the two of them. "Can we do that?"

At John's single nod and Joss's "Yes," Scully redirected the discourse. "Let's talk spirituality, religion. Do you practice a religion, believe in other spirituality?"

Since it appeared John was making it a habit of letting her answer first, Joss spoke up. "Well, I'm a Christian. Grew up in church but I don't attend regularly anymore." She felt bad after having said it out loud. She was so busy, when she had a precious Sunday morning in which she could sleep in, she took it. But she tried to live her life right and was a firm believer in God knowing her heart.

John followed her lead. "I believe in a higher power." He did. Absolutely now. Because it was the only reason he could think of that she hadn't died in his arms on the sidewalk last year. "But I'm not religious."

Scully nodded. "You don't attend church regularly, Joss, but when you do, will it bother you if John doesn't join you?"

Joss shook her head. "No. But he has gone with me before." She turned to John. "What was it? A couple, two and a half months ago?" She remembered being a little nervous for him. When she and Taylor went to church, it was a mid-sized non-denominational black church. She'd warned him ahead of time that he was going to stick out like a sore thumb, but things like that never bothered him. He'd been in countless novel, unfamiliar situations and always managed to handle himself. He wasn't into organized religion, but he said that he was going to be a part of their lives permanently from now on and wanted to join them.

Reese nodded at her before turning to Scully. "I'm open to going with her, if she wants."

Scully nodded again. "Good. It sounds like you're on a good course there. Again, if things change, _John_ ," he eyed Reese, "talk about it. Calmly. Let your feelings be known." Scully eyed the clock on the wall. "Our time's almost up, but I have a few more questions for you, things you can think about before our next conversation." He leaned forward on his desk. "Infidelity. Are you agreed that it's unacceptable?" He noted that neither of them had to look to the other before answering. Joss's emphatic "Yes" was matched by John's.

"Open relationship?" Scully asked.

Joss shook her head. "No."

"I don't share," John replied.

Scully then asked, "Is cheating a deal breaker?" Both of them hesitated this time.

"He wouldn't. But…." Joss hedged.

"I wouldn't." John agreed.

Joss finished her thought. "I'd like to think I'd kick his ass to the curb, but I don't know what I'd do." She couldn't fathom him doing anything of the sort, but the way her love for him was set up….he probably could get away with almost anything.

"I wouldn't," John reiterated. "I'd never hurt her. She wouldn't hurt me." In truth, she could hurt him a million times over and he'd never stop needing her. "If she did," his voice cracked. "I'd probably forgive her in a heartbeat."

Nodding, Scully continued. "Would you agree that emotional affairs are equal to sexual ones?"

Joss answered. "Yes."

John nodded.

"Okay." Scully set his pen down. "We're about finished with this session, but I do have one more question I want to ask you, John."

Reese calmly leveled his gaze at the doctor, wondering where he was headed. He was ready to leave if he were being honest. Being this open for this long, in front of a stranger, had him feeling a little frazzled and raw.

Scully glanced at his notebook. "I noticed that you defer to Joss quite often." He looked back up at John. "Why do you think that is?"

Reese stared at Scully for awhile. He knew why. He knew why he'd do anything for her, anything she asked. And it didn't make him feel like any less of a man. Quite the contrary really. But he didn't want to voice it, think about it. It'd only take a few words, but he didn't want to. Nevertheless, he already felt his tears cruelly snatching away his choice in the matter. He swallowed and his voice barely pierced the air. "She almost died. I almost lost her a year ago…...The regret…" He shook his head imperceptibly and swallowed again.

Joss looked down at her hands, trying to blink back her tears.

John cleared his throat. "She accepts me, my past, everything. That takes more out of her than my trying to keep her happy takes out of me." He turned to look at Joss. When she felt his eyes on her and turned her watery ones onto his, he smiled softly. "She saved my life and she loves me. All I want to do is make her as happy as she makes me."

Carter reached over and squeezed his hand, smiling through her tears and mouthing the three words that amazed him every time they passed through her beautiful lips.

He knew that she did. But she'd never understand that he loved her more.

* * *

Settling into the car in the parking garage, Reese and Carter took a moment to let out a breath. She reached over from the passenger side seat and rubbed his forearm. "Was that terrible?"

He rested his head against the headrest, looking out the windshield. "Not quite as bad as Nepalese torture."

Joss snickered. "Stop." She leaned her head back and turned toward him. "I think it was good for us. Brought up some things I hadn't even thought about." She watched as he shrugged. Silence drifted between them and she knew he was thinking about the same thing she was. "Try something for me?"

He finally turned to face her.

"Tell me how you feel more often. I'm gonna be your wife soon. It's what I'm here for."

John smiled softly. He still loved the sound of that. Wife. His wife.

She smiled back. "Besides. You know I love the sound of your voice."

He smirked, purposefully lowering his voice and lacing it with seduction. "You like the sound of my voice, Joss?"

"Yes, I do." She reached over and gripped his chin. "So let me hear it more."

He dropped the facade and nodded. "Okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

She leaned over and pressed a brief kiss to his lips. "Thank you." She dropped her hand from his face and sat back, shifting so that she was looking out the windshield. They still hadn't broached it, but she needed to know, even as they sat in this parking garage. "I really didn't know you wanted a baby, John. I thought….with our ages….and what you do that….it was just gonna be us and Taylor and Bear."

John sighed. She wasn't giving him any time to get used to the idea of sharing his feelings more. He tried to gather his thoughts but they still felt piecemeal. He let them out anyway. "I don't want you to feel pressured. That wasn't what I was trying to do. I chose the life that I've had. No one forced me to go back to the military, do what I did in the CIA. I could've chosen a family over my career twenty years ago. I didn't. That's on me."

Carter sighed. He was right. It was on him. But she felt guilty. Her reasons for not wanting another child were legitimate, but she was on birth control because she still could get pregnant. She wouldn't trade being a parent for anything and she felt like she was withholding that privilege from him, the man she loved. He'd make a great father, and was it right to prevent those powerful genes of his from being passed on? But she was so old…..She sighed to herself again. "I want to give that to you, John, but I'm _forty-two_. She'll have old parents. We won't be sleeping through the night for a long time. We'll have to have the energy to keep up with her, keep her stimulated. There's playdates, homework, teenage years….and we'll be old during all of it." She was whining and she knew it.

John couldn't help but chuckle. He turned to look at her. "So, we'll be old. Do I have that right?"

"Yes!" She laughed.

"She'll have the best of us, though. The best of me. The best thing I'll ever do besides falling for you."

"No pressure, huh, John?"

He smiled. "What do they say? We're only as old as we feel?"

" _And_ look."

He looked up and down her frame. "Nothing on you looks or acts old. Trust me."

She tore her eyes away from his. "I hate you, John." She looked back at him and caught the grin on his face. "I'm not saying anything yet."

"I love you, Joss."

"You do not….making me think about this. Taylor's about to go to college! What do I look like having one in college and one in diapers?"

He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Thank you."

"I didn't say yes!"

He turned serious. "I know. Thank you for considering it."

He was such a low down, rotten bastard. Why was he playing dirty against her? They were a team! She pouted, turning away from him and looking out her side window. "Feed me. I'm hungry."

Chuckling, Reese started the car. Yeah, he thought. A little girl just like her.

~End

 **Thanks for reading. :)**


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